You’ve just joined a new group, You’re not really a joiner, but you’re on your own, or you’d like to meet some new people, or you know you need to get out a bit.  This group sounded good, and you came along for one get together, but there was one particular person you just found a bit negative, or a bit bossy, or a bit abrupt…you choose the adjective…but here’s the thing:

Try this:  Engage Curiosity Instead of Judgement.  What does this mean?

You know what they say about icebergs?  That only a tiny portion is visible on the surface, most of the substance lies below.  Most people are like that too, even if they seem to be spilling and exposing everything, or recalcitrant and sharing nothing.

Think of the cactus, the porcupine, even the skunk.  All of these have repellent exterior features, but they are there for a reason, and that purpose is self protection.  In the end, all normal human beings need connection and love, to be healthy, no matter what you perceive on the outside.

So, give the new acquaintance a chance… instead of judging, that is thinking she’s a bit snaky, a bit up herself, a bit bossy – ask yourself a question, like: what’s going on here? what’s she defending against? why could she be like this?

It’s amazing the difference this makes!  If you take a step back, entertain these questions to yourself, you can then respond to someone in a kinder way that can often lower your own unconscious defenses, and tap into the real person that you are talking to – try it, it really works, and can lead to deep and genuine friendship!

And, if, in the end, you decide that it’s not worth the effort, you can escape graciously!  More about that in another post!