Dear Citizens, local and treasured visitors, welcome to my DREAM train, the newly installed and much awaited “Mallee Roo[u]ter” designed to transport you in many more ways than one, hither and thither from Mildura, at the heart of the Latje Latje Nyeri Nyere / Mallee country, to our beautiful state Capital, Melbourne 550km to the south-east.
Prepare yourselves for a voyage of discovery as you are transported in spacious comfort with a wide open view of the landscape as it transforms before your eyes from the ancient and tenacious landscape of the semi-arid Mallee, through golden fields of Wimmera grain, to the lush and greener once gold-bearing areas that signal your imminent arrival at Melbourne’s soaring-vaulted Southern Cross Station.
Of course, you may not be travelling the whole journey on this occasion, as there are many delightful stops along the way! But, regardless of your destination on this occasion – we aim to charm you with delight in the pleasure of the journey itself – so let us begin!
So, where would you like to ride? The choice is yours! First we have:
- THE FAMILY CAR. If you have young children – especially the young, noisy kind – this is for you! Trains are lovely for kids, there is lots more room for them to wriggle and play, do their colouring books, play their games etc. There is an enclosed play area at the end of the car with blocks and other delightful toys for active toddlers. If this sounds like something that would suit your family, you can specify proximity to this area when you make your booking! The family car has a spacious toilet bathroom area with change table etc., so this may be the choice for you!
The family car has rotating seats so a family group of four can sit opposite each other for the journey – how good is this! - THE SERIOUSLY QUIET CAR. I say SERIOUSLY because I mean QUIET. No ring tones or notifications, no phone conversations AT ALL (people still feel the need to speak louder when on the phone long after the invention of the smartphone – why???) In fact, not even a packet of CRISPS. QUIET means QUIET. If you are travelling with a buddy and are somehow able to talk for 6-7 hours straight (people do, believe me!) this is NOT the car for you!!
- THE ‘HAPPY ROOTER’ No noisy kids, no anal or business or ‘shooshing’ types – you’ll get the best fare discount for being such a lovely laid back person, and still able to avail yourself of all the lovely FREE addons# on your “Mallee Rooter” journey!
- ***OPTIONAL CAR TYPE 1 (Just as an Example)***
EVENT CAR. This could be commissioned on a specific day for a particular event, such as a personal celebration, a business conference or meeting etc. Say a business group or a performance group, for example are travelling to or from Mildura to Melbourne – it’s a private space for brief, debrief, rehearsal, etc.
# WELCOME TO OUR LOVELY BUILT IN TRAIN-TRAVELLER ADDONS!
- FREE Wifi – come on, it’s 2021 (almost) – how can you not have free WiFi? (or build it into the pricing) It’ll keep everyone happy, the kids on video games in Car 1, the noise haters in Car 2, the online shoppers in Car 3, and so on…it’s a no brainer!!
- A café /snack bar/winebar(?) Ok, I know the last one is problematic, but there WAS a time when one could buy a beer or a cheeky half bottle of Aussie vino on board – it could be done, intelligently thought through! (And yes I have sat thru a trip with a drunk hassling me to do something I didn’t want to do (with his girlfriend beside him)) but I still have faith in a civilised society!)
- Nicer and more spacious toilets!!! Big time important, especially for older and disabled citizens with mobility devices.
# BUT WAIT – THERE’S EVEN MORE!!
- PHYSICALLY ACCESSIBLE if you have a mobility scooter, walking frame or whatever, you may have wonky knees and can’t do steps, even if you are someone who likes to take a bike, or a parent with a pram – getting on to a train is SO EASY!!!
- SPACIOUS – you can get up and move around if you feel the need, no need to worry about DVT!
- MUCH MUCH cheaper than air travel, and with so many more benefits!
SO LET’S LOOK AT THE BENEFITS OF TRAIN TRAVEL COMPARED TO TRAVEL BY AIR.
- Much cheaper, even more so now since the COVID-19 has required the need for physical distancing, the cost of a return air flight between Melbourne and Mildura has virtually DOUBLED!
- Much more spacious, not strapped into a tiny space, often uncomfortable for people with larger body types. More accessible for people with mobility issues.
- Departure and arrival points much closer to centre of towns and access to public transfer or transport to other places e.g. Mildura Train Station and Southern Cross both accessible via a variety of taxi or public services.
- Saving time? Does it really, and how much? And how valuable is that time? Let’s take a look:
- AIR: You drive to the airport (20 min) fly to Melb (75 min) get Airbus or taxi to Melb CBD (30 min). Total TRAVEL TIME. Let’s say 2 hours 5 min squished up travel time, transferring luggage at least 3 times.
- TRAIN: leave from centre of Mildura, arrive at Centre of Melbourne. 7 hours travel time, luggage transfer currently 2 times with swap from coach to train at Swan Hill. But, WHAT IF, you could book your bags all the way through (as was once the case) and you embark and disembark easily despite your status, and could use that additional time and NOT regard it as wasted – to work, to read, to reflect, to relax, to look at and appreciate our beautiful state – what value would you put on THAT?!
- And, let’s face it – air travel is awful! It’s stuffy (even though smoking is banned now, tho’ I did travel on international flights when it was not – bloody awful!), you get squished up against certain people, there is ALWAYS a screaming baby, or someone who finds it impossible to SHUT UP, even for an hour or so…but I am sure you know what I mean!
So, my dear fellow Citizens
Thanks for listening to me, and yes I know this is a dream, and it may not come true to the full, but what if EVEN A SMALL PART OF IT came true, if someone worked towards it? Even Michelangelo drew pictures of flying machines way back in the 16th century before they were realised, and aren’t we way ahead of that?
In a nutshell – I believe that if we made train travel more DESIRABLE, and put it in place with all the creativity we have at hand, that it would WORK, and even satisfy the mingy bean counters. We could make it not just the JOURNEY, but part of the DESTINATION!
That is all, over and out!